Don’t Worry Johnny

148 words published on August 1st

Johnny Depp should be allowed to get old. Saggy face, saggy stomach, a light limp to the left. He should be allowed to lose all the hair on his legs.

He’s worn pants for fifty years, after all. It should have all rubbed off by now.

I get it. We want to think of Keith Richards more than our great uncles. Weathered rock n roll type. But that’s not realistic. Put Keith or Johnny in Bermuda shorts and a cardigan. Socks with sandals.

Well, look at that. It’s Uncle Joey.

Naw, his skin should become translucent like the rest of us. Makes it easier to tap a vein. Makes it easier to land an IV whenever he has to deal with routine procedures.

Don’t worry Johnny, when they pump your colon full of air, you can leave your hat on. You can wear all the eyeliner you want.